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I am really struggling around shame again at the moment, my shame existence bind was triggered a couple of weeks ago and I had a few of days of deep shame, thankfully I moved through that but since then I am still stuck in the process. I find that once my shame existence bind is badly triggered then all my other shame binds come up, and I spend my day having repeated shame attacks for one reason or another, it also brings up all my self hatred and I find myself standing at the mirror telling myself how horrible/ugly etc I am while brushing my teeth or whatever. I really hate being like this, and it is hard work as I feel like I am on high alert all the time, waiting for the next attack, and then trying to talk myself through it. I know that when this happens if I don't get myself out of the shame cycle then I stay in it for a long time, and get really depressed and I don't want that to happen, but I don't know how to get myself out of it, sometimes I just seem to come out of it quicker than other times, so I wondered if you have any suggestions that would help? I really hope that one day I can live without this shame hanging over me, as it is definately the thing that I struggle with the most. I wish that I had the money and someone here that I could work through this with, it is frustrating to know that the PIT feeling reduction stuff would help, but that I am not doing it.
Another thing is that I saw my father interacting with my young neices, that's the first time that I have really seen him with them, and it was very hard to watch. I am really trying to remember you saying that I don't have a responsibility there as my siblings know, but it is hard to accept that, and to know that despite that they allow my father to have contact with their babies.
Anyway, I hope that you are well and survived the big storms there a couple of weeks ago,

Just sent this email to Pia, hopefully it will help to have shared it and hopefully she will come back with some suggestions.
Had my first days at work, went well, although the drive is a nightmare, but will hopefully get easier as I get more comfortable with the route and find some short cuts. It is relaxed there which is good, although maybe too relaxed at times. Due to the shame I am struggling to feel like I should be there, and that I can contribute anything worthwhile. Also it looks like next week I get my first 1:1 client which is scary.
Tonight I am doing an AA chair for a big meeting in London, the topic is Honesty. I am scared about it, but it will be nice to see friends and will hopefully go ok.
Thats about it really.