better

Feeling a lot better today, not great, but far better which is good. I now have shelves in my room, and that has made a huge difference and I have unpacked heaps since they went up last night. Nice to have my books up, somehow makes it feel more like home. The shelves are huge, and I thought that there would be heaps of room, but they are already full! I certainly have way too much stuff.
I slept heaps last night, fell asleep really fast which made a lovely change, I have been taking Melatonin for a few nights and wonder if it is working, it is natural and totally ok to take which is great. I woke a few times in the night as always, but not too bad and I slept in which was great. And today I have felt less tired. Walked the dogs which was good, got home and it started to rain heavily, so that was good timing.
Have been thinking about what Hilary said, about how this trauma work is about getting on with your life, and I wonder if she has a point, but it also makes it clear that she doesn't know me like I thought. I thought that she was the one person in England who understood me and my trauma, but from what she said she doesn't, and that makes me feel really sad.
I haven't booked to do the Survivors in London, don't think that is the right thing, not sure how I am going to tell Pia that though. I am on the waiting list for the workshops with Pia in AZ in August and I am really really hoping that something comes of that and I can go out there are the end of August, that would be ideal I think. But it is unlikely, I wouldn't think that they would get many cancellations, especially so late. But I am hopeful. Otherwise I will book to go next year, when depends on what Pia says and Nicola.
Tomorrow I am meant to be seeing my family for lunch, all except my father, but I have heard nothing from them about what is happening.
I have just been looking online about changing your name, I am thinking of changing my surname. I want to be able to talk about my family professionally, but don't want people to be able to find out who I am talking about, so am thinking of changing it so that doesn't happen, or doesn't happen so easily. No idea how I would tell my family that though! Also thinking of changing my first name, when I worked with Pia doing the inner child work it became clear that I hated my name as young as three, and associate it with bad things, and even now when someone calls me by my full name (and not the shortened version) I get a physical reaction, and I don't really like the shortened version. But changing my first name would be a lot harder than changing my surname, so it is unlikely. Also, what would I change it to? Although I do have that with the surname, will have to think about it carefully. Changing your name does appear to be surprisingly cheap and easy.