barking

I have booked a place on the March inner child workshop, once I thought about which workshop I should do it was obvious that I need to do the inner child one first, even though part of me doesn't want to.
I have found myself in the last few weeks being more assertive and not letting people walk over me as I once did, which has been really hard to do at times, but good, and it is a sign of the effect of the work you did with me. I have also started reading the self esteem book that you talked about on the PIT training, and that is very good.
I liked your suggestion of yoga, I have often thought of doing it, but have been too embarrassed to go and do it in a class, however I am going to try, once I work out which of the many types of yoga I want to do. I did go chanting last week, and that I think would have a similar effect to yoga, as it really connects me to my body, and I have been really disconnected lately so that was great, especially as I connected to gratitude and even happiness. In the past few days I have, for the first time since the work we did, felt deep sadness about some of what we talked about, mainly around my mother, and I have tried to allow that but it is very painful to acknowledge. I have also been getting out and seeing people a lot more, I don't want to end up a lonely old woman with only my dog for company as you predicted. I am trying to take on board that this is a gradual process, and to do what I can do today to keep moving in that direction, but not get too far ahead of myself.
I hope that you are well,

Just sent this email to Pia today. Hopefully I sound a bit better than I have done. Time seems to be going by really fast, as it was Thursday that I last wrote, and it feels like I only wrote a day or two ago at most. Trying to remember what I talked about last, but can't.
Friday I went to Sam and Dors and watched LOTRs on their massive screen, it was great, like seeing it in the cinema and I haven't watched it for ages, so it didn't feel old. Hopefully we will watch the other two soon. Got home just after 1am and had two messages on my phone from my flatmate/landlord, saying that one of my dogs was barking and barking and asking me to come home. My phone had been in another room so I hadn't heard it, or got the messages. I felt really bad, she was in bed so couldn't talk to her, went to bed and I couldn't sleep worrying. In the morning I said sorry about a million times and went to the vet to get some drugs to help calm her, as it is only at night when I am out, she is fine in the day. So now she is on drugs. Got a lecture from the vet about her weight and not being vaccinated yearly, and I just listened and stated my point but didn't say much cos I just wanted him to give me the drugs, it did remind me of a few visits to the doctor that I have done in the past. I also ordered a DAP diffuser on ebay which will hopefully help.
So I changed my plans for Saturday to be home before dark. I met Alison in Enfield and we went to see the new Batman film, it was good but way too long. Heath Ledger was very good, he came across as totally insane, it is very sad that he died. We then went for dinner, ages since I ate out so it was nice, but I was stressed about the time as it was getting late and I needed to get home before dark. I felt like cinderella or something.
Came home and spoke to Denise a bit, but it felt funny between us, not sure if that is me or real. I am scared that she will ask me to move out cos of the barking. I am not sure that I could cope if that happened, things are just getting settled.
Today I have done nothing, I have avoided people and want to isolate. Was going to see my grandma but I might go tomorrow, just want to lie on my bed and think and read and watch tv today. Have been feeling sad about stuff a bit, mainly around my mother, as I said in the email, and I think that it is important for me to allow that, but it is hard.