try again

Not impressed that my blog yesterday didn't post, and as you write it says that it is saving it, yet I was unable to find it anywhere!
So, a quick recap, had lunch with my family, and it was ok...ish. I held my own though and did good I think, I was friendly and chatted and told them things, but not too many things and was careful not to give them any ammunition to use against me. It is very clear that I am left out of the family, there is much that I don't know, but I have my part to play in that too, but still, they make it really obvious sometimes. My neices are both growing fast, Talia has said her first two words. I was asked if I could look after her at the end of the month, they have two days with no cover, said that I would do one of them, would be nice to do and get to know her, and for her to get to know me. I haven't fully commited yet, but expect that I will.
So, it was ok, a few digs and comments but generally they were pretty good. Came home via Tesco and spent the evening watching tv, thought that I was feeling ok, but later I was at the kitchen table sending emails and Denise asked me how I was and suddenly I didn't feel so good. We had a good chat though, which helped. Denise suggested that I am recreating my family in therapy, and I think that she has a point! I don't want to speak, I don't want Deena to look at me, I don't want to be there, just like when I was young and would do anything to not be noticed and seen. Also feeling like I am being judged by Deena, which is what my family always did. Very interesting to think about, but unfortunately the best thing to do about that is to talk to Deena about it, and I don't want to do that!
Slept well last night and enjoyed a sleep in, am loving that I am sleeping again after three months of insomnia, sleeping in feels like such a treat!
And today I watched about five episode's of the Lion Man, a programme that I used to watch in New Zealand and loved and it is on Sky! So I recorded some that were on early this morning. There are about four series and I have only seen one, maybe a bit of the second, and of course I had seen these ones, but long enough ago that I could only remember bits. Have read some of a book on Self Esteem that Pia recommended and so far is really good, and had a bit of a fantasy about working in Arizona. Walked the dogs once the rain stopped which was good, needed to get out. Finding that I want to stay in my room and hide out more, but it is small and does my head in after a bit, need to make more of an effort to do things and get out more. Only been to one meeting since I moved here, which isn't very good!
So, that's about it. I think that I am still really quite detached from myself and my feelings at the moment, which I like, but know isn't good. But not sure how to reattach. It will happen at some point I am sure, and it probably won't be much fun when it does as I have been pretty detached for a while now so there is probably a build up.