busy

blimey, I have hardly written in this for ages, must have been busier than I thought. There has been a fair amount going on.
Tuesday I had therapy, and I didn't want to go! About forty minutes before I got a headache, and so when I got there I told her that and she asked what my headache was saying, I said that it was wondering how come Tuesday came round so fast, hence telling her that I didn't want to be there. I told her that I felt that I was recreating my family, and how I used to behave with them. I also said that I felt she was judging me sometimes, and said that my mother was very judgemental. It helped to say that and clear the air a little. We did talk easier for the rest of the session which was good. She told me that she couldn't remember any time when she had felt judgemental towards me. I was really brave and told her one thing that she said to me, when I was talking about America and she said 'did that Mellody woman tell you that?' and I said that I really didn't like that she said that. She tried to deny it, but I stood my ground and she said sorry. And then we talked about Bessel and John Bradshaw and stuff, and had quite a good chat, it felt equal which was good. So, a really hard and draining session, but much better, and I am even a little proud that I managed to say what I said.
I then went chanting in the evening with Alison, had to drive to Kensel Rise, was nice to see Alison. Haven't been chanting for probably about two years, but Nikki remembered me and my name, which was lovely. She asked me how I am and I appreciated that. I loved the chanting!! It really took me back to the potting shed, two and a half years ago, and I remembered laughing for the first time in ages, and dancing like idiots, it was fun, but I could also see how far I have come and that was great. So I really connected with feeling happy and grateful, which was great, and I was aware that I was smiling a lot during it. I really enjoyed it. And the last chant was Jay Bhagawan, which is the one that she did with us every week when I was in rehab, and so that really took me back and I was really smiling. And at one point I opened my eyes and Nikki and I looked at each other and we both really smiled, it was lovely as I knew that she knew what I was thinking. I just grinned and grinned, it was great! I felt really happy and grateful.
Came home and went to bed, as I had an early start as today I went to a rehab for the day, I am hopefully going to work there. It was good, very different to what I am used to, but it felt good there, although one therapist was a bit funny, didn't really like her and she didn't want me to watch her group, which I am sure says more about her than me. But I was tired and it was good to leave, it is a shame that it is the other side of London from me, don't really fancy the travel, but it should be good experience.
Came home and straight away emailed the Meadows to book onto a workshop in March with Pia. So exciting, I just love it there and it will be good to see Pia again, and hopefully do more work on my stuff. I haven't heard back from them yet, and they are normally really prompt with responses, so of course my head thinks that they don't want me to go, even though Pia suggested it herself, so I am sure that isn't the case, I hope not anyway!
I think that making the decision yesterday to go in March helped to improve my mood, I so hope that I can move out there, I just love it, and feel like I can be myself there. Hopefully I will hear from them soon, and then I need to decide what I am going to and when I am going and book my flight.
So that's it really. it is humid which isn't fun, but at least no rain today. I am tired but ok I think, knowing that I am going back to AZ helps.